The world's premier supplier of historically disappointing copper — now in convenient, modern digital form!
Welcome to the official modern‑era extension of Ea Nasir’s copper empire — a business that has survived nearly four thousand years of customer complaints, questionable supply chain decisions, and clay‑tablet‑based negative feedback. Today, we embrace this legacy with pride.
Where other companies claim to offer "excellence," we offer something far more unique: authenticity. At Ea‑NasirCopper.com, our copper proudly maintains the spirit of ancient Mesopotamian craftsmanship — a spirit best described by archaeologists as "variable at best" and by customers as "I walked three days for THIS?"
Our founder, Ea Nasir himself, was a pioneering entrepreneur, known for boldly selling copper of such… distinct character… that his customers immortalized their feelings in the oldest recorded complaint letter in human history. We honor that tradition by providing materials that will leave you with stories worth telling for millennia.
We don’t just sell copper — we sell historical accuracy.
If your copper looks too perfect, too shiny, too functional… is it even worthy of the Ea Nasir name? Our metals come with an ancient guarantee: “Acceptable by someone’s standards, probably.”
Here’s what sets us apart:
Our commitment isn’t to quality. Our commitment is to the brand — the legend — the cultural phenomenon.
For customers seeking the classic Ea Nasir experience. Slight impurities included at no extra cost.
Price: 4 shekels per ingot
Quality varies by mood.
Includes three ingots and a pre‑written clay tablet apology note you can send to your own customers.
Price: 12 shekels
You might get excellent copper. You might get something that archaeologists classify as "geological debris." Roll the dice!
Price: 1 shekel
Recreated using historical smelting techniques. Comes with a display stand and a tiny clay tablet titled "Please Do Better."
Price: 20 shekels
Ea Nasir wasn’t just a copper merchant — he was a man of vision. A man who understood that life is unpredictable, and copper quality should be too. His story begins in the bustling city of Ur, where fame, fortune, and furious customers awaited him.
Though records of his business dealings survive only in fragments (and tablets of pure customer fury), historians agree that Ea Nasir achieved something remarkable: he made such an impression on his clients that they documented their outrage for eternity. Few businessmen can claim to have annoyed their customers so profoundly that the evidence is displayed in museums.
Today, his legacy inspires our mission — not to correct the past, but to embrace it fully. After all, perfection fades. But legendary customer service disasters? Those last forever.
Nanni of Ur:
"The copper you sent me was low‑grade trash, and I demand satisfaction. Also, I’m telling everyone."
A Merchant From Dilmun:
"I traveled halfway across Mesopotamia for this? My donkey is filing a complaint too."
Modern Collector:
"Bought the Mystery Box. Not sure what I received, but my archaeologist friend won’t stop screaming. 5 stars."
Historian:
"Authentically inconsistent. Simply beautiful."
Have a question? Want to place a bulk order? Want to send us a clay tablet expressing your frustration in traditional style?
Email us at support@ea-nasircopper.com
All inquiries will be answered in the order they are ignored.
If sending a clay tablet, please address it to:
Ea‑NasirCopper.com
House of Mild Regret
Somewhere Near the Euphrates
Mesopotamia (ish)